Stop EatingLike AnAsshole

You already know what you should be eating. You just need someone to say it to your face. We're that someone.

Wake Me UpShow Me The Rules

Optimize Your Macronutrient Profile

Just eat real food.

The Rules

Simple enough for your junk-food-addled brain to remember.

01

If it has a mascot, don't eat it

Tony the Tiger isn't your nutritionist. If a cartoon character is selling it, your body doesn't want it. The more marketing dollars behind it, the worse it probably is.

02

Drink water, not candy

That frappuccino has more sugar than a candy bar. That "vitamin water" is a soda in yoga pants. Drink actual water. Yes, it's boring. You'll survive.

03

Cook something. Anything.

Scrambled eggs count. A bowl of rice with vegetables counts. If you can scroll TikTok for 3 hours, you can cook a meal in 20 minutes. No excuses.

04

Read the damn label

If the ingredient list reads like a chemistry exam, put it back. If sugar is in the first three ingredients, put it back. If you can't pronounce it, you guessed it — put it back.

05

Stop rewarding yourself with garbage

"I worked out so I deserve this pizza" is how you stay exactly where you are. Reward yourself with something that doesn't undo the work you just did.

06

Meal prep or suffer

The person who doesn't plan meals is the person standing in front of a vending machine at 3pm making terrible decisions. Sunday you is Monday you's best friend.

You don't need another fad diet.
You need to stop lying to yourself.

Keto. Paleo. Carnivore. Juice cleanse. The diet isn't the problem. YOU are the problem.

What You Actually Get

📧

Weekly Reality Checks

A no-fluff weekly email that calls you out on common food BS, gives you one actionable thing to fix, and keeps you honest. No affiliate links. No sponsored "superfoods."

🛒

Grocery Store Cheat Sheet

An aisle-by-aisle guide. What to grab, what to skip, and what to stop pretending is healthy (looking at you, granola bars).

🍳

Stupid-Simple Recipes

Meals even the laziest person can make. 5-10 ingredients, 30 minutes or less. Tastes good enough that you won't "accidentally" order DoorDash again.

Ready to Stop Being the Problem?

Join thousands of recovering assholes who are learning to eat like they actually give a damn about their body. It's free. Unlike your medical bills from eating garbage.

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